Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent hosts used the evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas tune about the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

The focus was the controversial plan that permits international nationals to acquire U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for $5 million. The program's page pledges approval "in record time."

"A brief message here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, involving hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough screening the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to address affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of food items, where he behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.